Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
