someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
