she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize