I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
