And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
