who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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