do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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