Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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