I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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