she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
