Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize