Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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