sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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