I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
