And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
