dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Watching her eat just hurts me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
