guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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