i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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