just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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