I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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