gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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