so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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