Swine flu is the new snow day.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
