I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
