if you like me you must not know who I am
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
