im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
