An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
