I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
