so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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