you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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