i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize