And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
