update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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