I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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