at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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