i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
