I think im going to throw up on grandma
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
