just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
