To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Come share oat with me in your robe
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize