I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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