She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
