So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
