Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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