You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
