70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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