Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize