im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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