and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
