is your mom at the bar?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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