bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
