I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
