So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
