I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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