so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
