Where is the hickey?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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