Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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