she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
