Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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