If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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