he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
