i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
