It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have aggressive nipples.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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