I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
