paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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