Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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