Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
