I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
