Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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