i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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