how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
